When my husband and I were younger, we lived in a small town in Michigan. My husband worked for the public works department and was a part-time youth pastor. I was able to stay at home with the children; we lived in a 3-bedroom double-wide trailer. Our small church was such an amazing family and everyone in town knew everyone else. Our child that was in school knew her teacher from church and played soccer with her friends. I went to play dates with other young moms and their toddlers. It was a simple, but in many ways, idyllic life.
Our trailer was in a park at the time, but for my birthday, my husband bought a small piece of property beside the pond in town to move our home and family to. It was a beautiful spot, and we wouldn’t have to pay lot rent anymore! The permanence of this property after being a military kid brought me so much peace and joy.
My husband started building the foundation for the trailer to sit on, and I eagerly anticipated our forever home. After some glitches and generous support from a local family member who knew how to lay blocks, we were well on our way. A church friend had a big rig to move our trailer to the property from across town. Things were really coming together.
It was at this time that my husband told me he felt nudged to go into full-time ministry. Our small church couldn’t afford a full-time pastor, so for him to follow the Lord in this, we would have to move from our town to another state. We would never live in the home beside the pond.
To say I was crushed is an understatement. How could God do this? How could he let me think I was going to have permanence in my life and then snatch it from beneath my feet? I grieved this news. I threw tantrums and sulked. I prayed, but it didn’t help. I said unkind things to my husband, and I withdrew.
Spoiler Alert: This part of the story doesn’t have a happy ending.
We moved to another state and a church body that was DEEPLY divided. There was such division that half of the church didn’t speak to the other. Established families set in tradition demanded the old ways. Newer congregants wanted change with no regard for the feelings or history of the church. Some refused to sing when hymns were presented; others sat when praise songs were being taught. Unchurched kids that were invited to youth group weren’t welcomed in the way we’d hoped. The congregation supported a pizza party-type atmosphere with fun games but little biblical study or support for students to grow toward Jesus. There was no leadership. We all floundered in this sloppy mess, with not even a glimmer of Jesus.
“This is where you brought me, God? I gave up my home, friends, church family...for this? Are you kidding? I sacrificed so much! This just keeps getting better and better.” (Insert dripping sarcasm here.)
But wasn’t God just showing me my own heart?
OUCH.
Wasn’t God just showing me, in this body of stiff-necked believers, what happens when I demand my own way? The brokenness, the backstabbing, hate, stubbornness – it was all here before me. And it was within me. God had given me a mirror to see into my soul, and it was ugly.
But this wasn’t even the hardest part! Now I had a choice to make. Sure, I could make excuses. I was a fairly new believer – I needed time to grow. I felt I needed to be surrounded by supportive saints, not submerged into the depths of conflict. Didn’t God know my circumstances? Didn’t he know my needs? Apparently not! Because if he did, he would know I needed…excuses.
How could he expect that I could handle such a blow? These people were old, gray-haired. Surely, THEY had the maturity to handle everything life threw at them. Surely, their walk with God was stronger than mine – no excuses for them!
OR…
I could bow.
In the book of 1 Samuel, Saul is confronted with his stubbornness by Samuel (15:10-34). It’s a great read and look into the heart of a prideful human like myself. In short, Saul’s reply is that he partially obeyed, and he brought sacrifices to the Lord, which makes his disobedience okay! He completely misses the point and because of his unrepentance, he ultimately loses the kingdom. He and his family suffer greatly because of his pride and turning from the One who made him king. In the end he realizes he is nothing without God, but it’s too late.
What if Saul had just bowed? What if I just bow?
About a year after we moved, we met a couple. We prayed together and sharpened one another in a way neither of us had experienced before. My faith grew, and I began to see ways to connect with people in both camps in our church without judgement. I didn’t have to pick sides; I was on God’s side. Letting go of the past and leaning toward what was ahead, in the spirit of Paul, I began to act in ways that brought God's truth and light into a horrible situation.
I had bowed and God was using my obedience. I didn’t have to bring up my sacrifice because it’s all worth it for him! That he would continue to use me is my only hope.
Since this time, my husband and I have graciously been used by God in ways we never could have imagined. We haven’t learned every lesson, but we’re a bit closer to him now. It turns out that grey-haired old people need patience from God, too. The friends that we made while we were going through this are still part of our lives, and after 25 years, still not many big decisions happen in our family without asking them for prayer and wisdom.
I guess I’m telling you all this to say, God almost never gives me what I ask for. He gives me what I need to be the woman he needs me to be for his Kingdom purposes. He knows the tasks and challenges ahead and the lessons I need to learn to fill those challenges with his presence. And that’s better than any house beside a pond.
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When my husband and I were younger, we lived in a small town in Michigan. My husband worked for the public works department and was a part-time youth pastor. I was able to stay at home with the children; we lived in a 3-bedroom double-wide trailer. Our small church was such an amazing family and everyone in town knew everyone else. Our child that was in school knew her teacher from church and played soccer with her friends. I went to play dates with other young moms and their toddlers. It was a simple, but in many ways, idyllic life.
Our trailer was in a park at the time, but for my birthday, my husband bought a small piece of property beside the pond in town to move our home and family to. It was a beautiful spot, and we wouldn’t have to pay lot rent anymore! The permanence of this property after being a military kid brought me so much peace and joy.
My husband started building the foundation for the trailer to sit on, and I eagerly anticipated our forever home. After some glitches and generous support from a local family member who knew how to lay blocks, we were well on our way. A church friend had a big rig to move our trailer to the property from across town. Things were really coming together.
It was at this time that my husband told me he felt nudged to go into full-time ministry. Our small church couldn’t afford a full-time pastor, so for him to follow the Lord in this, we would have to move from our town to another state. We would never live in the home beside the pond.
To say I was crushed is an understatement. How could God do this? How could he let me think I was going to have permanence in my life and then snatch it from beneath my feet? I grieved this news. I threw tantrums and sulked. I prayed, but it didn’t help. I said unkind things to my husband, and I withdrew.
Spoiler Alert: This part of the story doesn’t have a happy ending.
We moved to another state and a church body that was DEEPLY divided. There was such division that half of the church didn’t speak to the other. Established families set in tradition demanded the old ways. Newer congregants wanted change with no regard for the feelings or history of the church. Some refused to sing when hymns were presented; others sat when praise songs were being taught. Unchurched kids that were invited to youth group weren’t welcomed in the way we’d hoped. The congregation supported a pizza party-type atmosphere with fun games but little biblical study or support for students to grow toward Jesus. There was no leadership. We all floundered in this sloppy mess, with not even a glimmer of Jesus.
“This is where you brought me, God? I gave up my home, friends, church family...for this? Are you kidding? I sacrificed so much! This just keeps getting better and better.” (Insert dripping sarcasm here.)
But wasn’t God just showing me my own heart?
OUCH.
Wasn’t God just showing me, in this body of stiff-necked believers, what happens when I demand my own way? The brokenness, the backstabbing, hate, stubbornness – it was all here before me. And it was within me. God had given me a mirror to see into my soul, and it was ugly.
But this wasn’t even the hardest part! Now I had a choice to make. Sure, I could make excuses. I was a fairly new believer – I needed time to grow. I felt I needed to be surrounded by supportive saints, not submerged into the depths of conflict. Didn’t God know my circumstances? Didn’t he know my needs? Apparently not! Because if he did, he would know I needed…excuses.
How could he expect that I could handle such a blow? These people were old, gray-haired. Surely, THEY had the maturity to handle everything life threw at them. Surely, their walk with God was stronger than mine – no excuses for them!
OR…
I could bow.
In the book of 1 Samuel, Saul is confronted with his stubbornness by Samuel (15:10-34). It’s a great read and look into the heart of a prideful human like myself. In short, Saul’s reply is that he partially obeyed, and he brought sacrifices to the Lord, which makes his disobedience okay! He completely misses the point and because of his unrepentance, he ultimately loses the kingdom. He and his family suffer greatly because of his pride and turning from the One who made him king. In the end he realizes he is nothing without God, but it’s too late.
What if Saul had just bowed? What if I just bow?
About a year after we moved, we met a couple. We prayed together and sharpened one another in a way neither of us had experienced before. My faith grew, and I began to see ways to connect with people in both camps in our church without judgement. I didn’t have to pick sides; I was on God’s side. Letting go of the past and leaning toward what was ahead, in the spirit of Paul, I began to act in ways that brought God's truth and light into a horrible situation.
I had bowed and God was using my obedience. I didn’t have to bring up my sacrifice because it’s all worth it for him! That he would continue to use me is my only hope.
Since this time, my husband and I have graciously been used by God in ways we never could have imagined. We haven’t learned every lesson, but we’re a bit closer to him now. It turns out that grey-haired old people need patience from God, too. The friends that we made while we were going through this are still part of our lives, and after 25 years, still not many big decisions happen in our family without asking them for prayer and wisdom.
I guess I’m telling you all this to say, God almost never gives me what I ask for. He gives me what I need to be the woman he needs me to be for his Kingdom purposes. He knows the tasks and challenges ahead and the lessons I need to learn to fill those challenges with his presence. And that’s better than any house beside a pond.
Written by
ACF Devo Team
Eagle River Campus
16620 Brooks Loop
Eagle River, AK 99577
NE Anchorage Campus
Regal Tikahtnu
1102 N Muldoon Rd B
Anchorage, AK 99504
