As we wrap up this series of hearing from Devo Team members and why we serve, I have been sitting on this question for weeks. Each time I attempted to write, I kept feeling blocked from the obvious. I know why I serve. I serve because I love Jesus. I serve because He’s gifted me in certain ways, and I should use that gifting for his Kingdom in some way. Yet, being the last person on this series, I knew that anything I said would likely be redundant from all that has already been said by my awesome teammates on this topic. The block I was fighting wasn’t just a worry of redundancy. It felt inauthentic to talk up serving with a “sunshine and rainbows” tone. So, as I prayed about this, I felt this lesser-known aspect of serving was relevant: serving when I’m not feeling it.  

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I get the privilege of serving on ACF’s worship team, and I LOVE it! I truly love singing, adding harmonies, and being a part of some powerful moments in worship. Admittedly, though, having some musical capability is not the whole of serving on a worship team. To sing on the worship team at ACF, you must have a personal relationship with Jesus. This may seem obvious, since you cannot lead others to the throne unless you’re familiar with going there yourself. I believe that God is good, holy, mighty, and worthy of all honor and glory we can give Him, and we should worship Him with every aspect of our lives; but there is also an enemy who hates when we honor God. I envision him in a tizzy every time we worship.  

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There is a real spiritual battle going on for our hearts, always. Over years of singing on worship teams, I have noticed a pattern in the weeks I serve, that I may be more irritable with my children, short with my husband, or most recently, just inexplicably tired for no reason at all. Long ago I recognized this as an attack of the enemy and often realize it too late to prevent my own sinful behavior. You see, being authentic in leading others in worship is important to me. So, if the enemy can get me to blow up at my kids, make me too tired to focus on the purpose of why I’m there, or instigate a fight with my husband, I’ll feel like a fraud leading others in worship when I’ve been so sinful. Then, I am likely to shrink back from fully engaging in worship.  

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Here’s something I’ve realized though, I’m always sinful, but that does not make God less worthy to receive all I can give! Once I recognized the spiritual aspect of what was happening the weeks I serve, there are many weeks where my worship of the Lord is more authentic because I have had a rough week, spiritually speaking. Worship has become my own personal way to kick Satan in the teeth, while also honoring the God I love.

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So, why do it? Why put myself through this type of spiritual warfare just to sing? There are secular opportunities I could have to sing if I really wanted to. But in my mind, this would be entirely missing the point. I believe God gave me my love for music and singing; therefore, for me personally, it would feel like a betrayal of His gift to me to use it for anything but worship. Part of worship is attributing all talent, all ability, all enjoyment, to Him who created and gifted it to me. I cannot fully express how personal God feels when I reflect on how He put the very things I love in me, so that I could worship Him with the gifts He’s given – how intimately loved I feel by God that I get to sing to Him.

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The lyrics to, “Forever Reign” by Reuben Morgan and Jason Ingram perfectly sum up my attempts to explain why I worship. The song says, in part:

You are good, when there’s nothing good in me.  

You are love, on display for all to see

You are light, when the darkness closes in

You are hope, you have covered all my sins

You are peace, when my fear is crippling

You are truth, even in my wondering

You are joy, You’re the reason that I sing

You are life, in you death had lost its sting

My absolute favorite line says, “My heart will sing, no other name, Jesus…”.  

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So, for who God is, for the pleasure of irritating Satan every time, I choose to worship even when I’m not feeling it. And for the simple fact that I know where my abilities come from, my heart will continue to sing no other name but Jesus; and that is why I serve.

If you do not serve anywhere, I hope you will consider who God is, what He’s done, your own God-given gifts, and the fact that Satan really wants you on the sideline. Then reevaluate where God’s calling you to serve today.