When I Finally Let Go
I remember driving home from a doctor’s appointment in my early twenties after receiving some pretty devastating news.
My health was failing. My kidneys weren’t functioning the way they should, and the prognosis wasn’t good.
But what I remember most about that drive wasn’t necessarily what the doctor had told me.
It was thinking about my two little boys.
They were still so young, and I remember being overwhelmed by the thought that they might have to grow up without their dad. That I might not get to watch them grow up. That I might miss birthdays, graduations, and all those little moments that you don’t realize are so important until you start thinking about losing them.
And I remember sitting there, driving home, realizing something that would completely change the direction of my life: I had put my hope in all the wrong things.
See, I grew up in church. I thought I knew who Jesus was. I knew the Bible stories. I knew what it meant to be a Christian, at least intellectually. But knowing about Jesus and actually surrendering your life to Him are two very different things.
For most of my life, I had been trying to maintain control. I thought that if I worked hard enough, made the right decisions, or just pushed through whatever life threw at me, I could somehow make everything work.
But there I was, facing something I couldn’t fix: Myself.
And for the first time, I think I truly understood what it meant to surrender.
Not to give up on life or even to stop fighting.
But to stop pretending that I was the one in control.
I realized that I had spent so much of my life placing my hope in things that were temporary, things that could be taken away.
And that day, I made the decision to place my hope in Jesus instead.
Now, I can’t tell you that everything changed overnight. That I woke up the next morning suddenly healed and that life has been easy ever since.
That’s not how it happened.
My health gradually began to improve and over time, I experienced what I believe was God’s restoring hand in my life.
Most importantly though, was somewhere along the way, something else began to change, too.
My heart.
The more I grew in my relationship with Jesus, the more I began to recognize that God wasn’t just restoring my health. He was giving my life an entirely new direction.
What started as a desperate moment of surrender eventually became a calling to ministry. And today, I get to spend my life helping students discover the same Jesus who changed mine.
Sometimes I think back to that drive home, to the fear and uncertainty I felt, and I’m reminded of just how faithful God has been. But I want to be careful here, because I don’t want you to hear my story and think that surrendering to Jesus means He’s automatically going to fix whatever you’re going through. That’s not what Scripture promises, and that’s not what my story is about.
My story is about discovering that even when I couldn’t control my circumstances, I could trust the One who held my future.
Proverbs 3:5–6 tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not lean on our own understanding. And that’s something I’m still learning to do. Because surrender isn’t just a decision I made in my early twenties. It’s a decision I have to keep making.
For me, that’s what Restoration Life looks like. Not a perfect life. Not a life without hardship. But a life that is continually being surrendered to Jesus.
Maybe today, you’re holding on to something so tightly because you’re afraid of what might happen if you let go. I understand that feeling.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Sometimes the greatest thing God restores isn’t our circumstances. It’s where we place our hope. And when we invite Him into every aspect of life, the life He gives us in return is far greater than we ever thought was possible.
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When I Finally Let Go
I remember driving home from a doctor’s appointment in my early twenties after receiving some pretty devastating news.
My health was failing. My kidneys weren’t functioning the way they should, and the prognosis wasn’t good.
But what I remember most about that drive wasn’t necessarily what the doctor had told me.
It was thinking about my two little boys.
They were still so young, and I remember being overwhelmed by the thought that they might have to grow up without their dad. That I might not get to watch them grow up. That I might miss birthdays, graduations, and all those little moments that you don’t realize are so important until you start thinking about losing them.
And I remember sitting there, driving home, realizing something that would completely change the direction of my life: I had put my hope in all the wrong things.
See, I grew up in church. I thought I knew who Jesus was. I knew the Bible stories. I knew what it meant to be a Christian, at least intellectually. But knowing about Jesus and actually surrendering your life to Him are two very different things.
For most of my life, I had been trying to maintain control. I thought that if I worked hard enough, made the right decisions, or just pushed through whatever life threw at me, I could somehow make everything work.
But there I was, facing something I couldn’t fix: Myself.
And for the first time, I think I truly understood what it meant to surrender.
Not to give up on life or even to stop fighting.
But to stop pretending that I was the one in control.
I realized that I had spent so much of my life placing my hope in things that were temporary, things that could be taken away.
And that day, I made the decision to place my hope in Jesus instead.
Now, I can’t tell you that everything changed overnight. That I woke up the next morning suddenly healed and that life has been easy ever since.
That’s not how it happened.
My health gradually began to improve and over time, I experienced what I believe was God’s restoring hand in my life.
Most importantly though, was somewhere along the way, something else began to change, too.
My heart.
The more I grew in my relationship with Jesus, the more I began to recognize that God wasn’t just restoring my health. He was giving my life an entirely new direction.
What started as a desperate moment of surrender eventually became a calling to ministry. And today, I get to spend my life helping students discover the same Jesus who changed mine.
Sometimes I think back to that drive home, to the fear and uncertainty I felt, and I’m reminded of just how faithful God has been. But I want to be careful here, because I don’t want you to hear my story and think that surrendering to Jesus means He’s automatically going to fix whatever you’re going through. That’s not what Scripture promises, and that’s not what my story is about.
My story is about discovering that even when I couldn’t control my circumstances, I could trust the One who held my future.
Proverbs 3:5–6 tells us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and not lean on our own understanding. And that’s something I’m still learning to do. Because surrender isn’t just a decision I made in my early twenties. It’s a decision I have to keep making.
For me, that’s what Restoration Life looks like. Not a perfect life. Not a life without hardship. But a life that is continually being surrendered to Jesus.
Maybe today, you’re holding on to something so tightly because you’re afraid of what might happen if you let go. I understand that feeling.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Sometimes the greatest thing God restores isn’t our circumstances. It’s where we place our hope. And when we invite Him into every aspect of life, the life He gives us in return is far greater than we ever thought was possible.
Written by
ACF High School Director
Eagle River Campus
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Eagle River, AK 99577
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Anchorage, AK 99504
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Palmer, AK 99645
