I can remember developing a habit in college where I would find myself praying over something I didn’t want, and I kept adding a disclaimer— "I would never do that. I mean, unless you want me to, Lord!” My thoughts were that, while I really didn’t want to do those things, I would totally obey if God told me to. But also, could He please not test me on it? I wanted to do what I wanted to do in these situations, but I also wanted to be a “good” Christian. Because “good” Christians are supposed to just obey, right? If I’m honest, in most of those situations, I didn’t really want God’s will no matter what. I just wanted to sound like I did. I wanted God’s will to be my will.  

‍

One of the most amusing examples of this is when we found ourselves moving to Korea to be near my husband during a 1-year unaccompanied (non-family move) tour. There was one little English-speaking church in town, and we were so excited for the opportunity to be in a community-based church. Even luckier, it had just moved locations and would be right across the street from our apartment. This was amazing, since we wouldn’t have a car. We were in awe of how well God was looking out for us!

‍

Now, my husband and I had a long-standing position that we would not ever be back in an independent Baptist/fundamental Baptist type of church again. This isn’t a commentary on anything being wrong with those churches. We were sorting through some baggage we both brought into our marriage from our church backgrounds. However, I was sure that was not the kind of church environment we would ever pursue for our family moving forward. I can remember telling a friend, a little tongue-in-cheek, that we’d never attend one again, “unless Jesus himself tells us that’s your church!”  

‍

Wouldn’t you know it, that little church across the street was a fundamental independent Baptist church? I’m talking the suit and tie every Sunday, hymns, and KJV Bible only variety. I couldn’t help but laugh. Really, Jesus? I had been called out by the Lord, y’all. It was time to walk out the “unless You tell me to” claim.  

‍

I did have to work on my attitude sometimes. It wasn’t always comfortable. It wasn’t my preferred worship style. There were plenty of secondary/nonessential points I didn’t agree with. But I also knew we had no biblical reason to be out of fellowship with the believers nearby that God clearly intended to be our church family for that season. And guess what? That little church and the lovely people in it deeply blessed our family during those months. The teaching was deep and biblically sound, they shared meals weekly, they did life alongside one another, and they served and invested sacrificially to love the locally stationed Airmen away from their families well. We’ll look back on those months as some of the sweetest for our little family, and that church was a big part of the reason why. If we had been stuck in pursuing our will, we would have missed out on growth and blessing.  

‍

This situation was small. But the struggle behind it, wanting my way instead of God’s, is universal. Sometimes our “not my will, but yours” moments are costly and painful, like today’s verses highlight. That’s a real thing. It can take us a while to be ready to hold outcomes with an open hand, especially when we face the difficult and scary. Jesus knew what He would face and experience on the cross. The Bible tells us He literally prayed to the point of sweating blood in the Garden of Gethsemane that there might be another way. Yet, Jesus desired to do God the Father’s will more than anything else. Eventually, we see a calm and resolved Jesus leave the garden, prepared to face what comes next.  

‍

I ultimately want to be where God wants me, doing what God wants me to do, too. I know His will is good, even when it’s hard or costly. It really is better to have one day with God than a thousand elsewhere (Ps. 84:10).  

Where are you potentially struggling with doing something God has asked of you? Theoretically, all believers want to do God’s will, right? Sometimes getting to the point where we want God’s will more than our own is a process, though. Maybe it starts for you today with honestly admitting, “I don’t want this” and then staying in that place long enough for God to work on your heart. Have an honest conversation with and talk it out with the Lord. Let him know what you’re thinking and feeling. It’s even okay to say you really don’t want to do what He’s asking! Then pray the scary thing—what I want most is your way, Lord. God will meet you in that space with understanding, and if your heart does need to change, He will give you the strength and faith for that to be possible.